Survive to Thrive

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Survival Guide for Life’s Struggles

Prelude

My Survival Story:

Just recently I was scrolling Facebook. It was just like any other day until I happened upon this quote, “One day you will tell your story of how you’ve overcome what you’re going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.” I thought to myself, “This is so accurate.” It was one of those quotes that stop you in your tracks and make you reflect back on difficult situations you have overcome. I then reflected back and realized how much I could help people by now only proclaiming their worth by crying out to them on this page full of articles of how Jesus loves them, how strong they are even when they don’t realize it, but that I could share a list of survival tactics I have used over the years in MANY trying circumstances.

Here I will share a little more about myself than the “about page” on this site tells of me in order to guide you to the solutions, coping mechanisms and truly helpful tips I have developed over the years through multiple highs and lows in life:

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Yes, I’m the author...

First off, if you haven’t gone as far as to discover who the author of this site and these articles are, that would be me; Erika St. Gelais. A little about who I am:

I am a God-fearing, Apostolic Christian, who loves people, community-family/friends and I am an avid giver because of this love. My goal in life is purely that of helping those in need and in search of light in their lives enveloped in almost complete darkness. Key word- almost- because the majority of people don’t realize there isn’t complete darkness in our lives upon this Earth and that would be because there is a God who loves us and wants to help us And save us. Even I’m the dark there are shadows and what does that mean? That means there‘s a sliver of because everyone knows shadows don’t exist without light. Back to me again.

I am also quite accomplished. Having been apart of the same church for nine

years (just now switching because of distance reasons), I went to bible college.

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Before I went to bible college, in my high school years, I attended Culinary School receiving my degree and started attending college classes whilst still in high school. After high school and. Culinary School, high school and college class, heading on to greater tasks-Northeast Christian College located in Fredericton, NB. Here I learned many skills, including, yes, social skills, time-money-finance management, marketing skills, hard work ethics and many many others. I acquired the role as co-youth leader in Millville, NB just 45 minutes from Fredericton where I mentored, taught, worshipped God in song and practiced the art of playing the piano with an audience. However, with great success comes great pressure. Diamonds aren’t made without fierce furry pressure, developing them from coal to diamond. And so at the near end of my time at Northeast Christian College all my pressure had me caving in. I collapsed, emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. I had a nervous breakdown.

I have never publicly shared this experience. My church family knows almost too much about my experience with this situation and how I have had to deal and heal from it, but here I will share with you how dealing and healing with this past hurt and pressure lead me to be who I am today and how it helped me be a better, stronger person. I am a diamond and that of a rarity and no can tell me otherwise.

I encountered the experience of what death is at a very young age. From the time I was almost two and to present day I have experienced what terminal illness looks like, how it impacts the terminally ill and how it effects those around them. My buddy and pal, my closest friend of all time, was diagnosed with cancer at, I believe the early age of one years old. To the best of my knowledge he had a tumor full of cancer instead of another healthy kidney. Having their first child was exciting for my aunt and uncle of course, but devastation hit when they found blood in their son’s diaper.

And so the story begins...

We play, fight and live together-most of the time. And most of the time these memories were held in the arms of a hospital bed or the wonderful hospital play place in the children‘s wing of Bangor's Eastern Maine Medical center. They say you remember traumatic events, once you are done blocking them out that is, more clearly and vividly and more so than you would a normal memory. This is why I believe I have such an incredible memory. I have memories of my second and third birthday, while most kids just have memories of their favorite or biggest and best birthdays, I have memories of some of the oldest ones in my life.

My cousin was my best friend but I don’t dwell on his passing at the early age of three because as a Christian I believe that those that die before the age of accountability are taken into the arms of a loving God and off to a pleasant land called heaven. So I don’t really mourn but I cherish the memories I hold in my mind and close to my heart. This will be listed in the survival guide I have compiled for life as - hold true to what you know is true and be objective about the Benefits death/hard situations can have on life- yes I said Benefits. The reason I say, benefits, is because lives on Earth are short and temporary but the soul is eternal and lives on in either heaven or hell. Knowing that my cousin was safe in the arms of Jesus has been my peace for as long as I can remember. Call me crazy if you want. That’s totally fine because this is may not be the common belief for people.

I believe God grants me this security in telling me that He is in control of this situation and not to worry, that everything will be taken care of. Either way, I have been at piece with the knowledge that people die ever since I allowed the Lord to fully come into my life. I believe God can prepare our hearts for such circumstances if we allow Him. That is biblical for the Lord to prepare our hearts for what is to come. This will also be in my survival guide- Allow the Lord to not just prepare your future but to prepare and arm you for your future. So you can be ready for great things. Aside from my cousin’s death there have been countless others as I have gotten older.

The majority surprisingly are those that have happened outside my family. This is surprising only because at least 7 have passed away in family before I reached the age of 18.

I have encountered a great deal of loss. So have many, many others in this world. Your love for them never dies, neither do your memories. Another survival guide tip will be- keep your loved ones close and your memories together just as cherished. My life after loss is that of a defined bravery wrapped up in one package of an individual - me of course.

The benefits that come out of unfortunate circumstances are that of many but also those that withstand the fiery obstacles throughout time. Though I have only shared one example of one experience of death in my life, I will be sharing how more than just death lead me to a breakdown of not only that of a nervous breakdown but also a breakdown of how I learned to, not only survive this life but how to actually deal with issues I had put in the back burner, forgotten about and let sit in a scorched pot for years.

Some people would just simply throw out a pot that’s burnt to a crisp and seemingly useless, but you can’t do that with a pot full of trauma. Traumas are like wounds that need to be healed or bones that need to be fixed. When they’re done healing their scar remains and some days the heat or the cold makes them cry out to you in pain. The cold or the heat is a metaphor of trigger and a trigger is that of a situation that undeniably reminds you of your broken past and traumatic situations that vex you from day to day.

Life isn’t all rainbows and flowers and candy as many of know. So my life leading up until the moment when I had a nervous breakdown in my third and final year in college, was not all peachy keen. Though it wasn't all fine and dandy every second I can still look back and reflect on various and aboundingly good memories. This one memory though, of that past mental breakdown sent my mind into a frenzy most times that I thought on it, and for a long time, dwelled on. That’s another thing you will do inevitably, for a period of time, after an unsettling situation involving yourself. Another survival guide hint - don’t lose sight of what good came out of your past despite the uncomfortable and unwanted happenings that made you, you.

It has been two and a half years since my mental breakdown and the hospital visit that pushed my recovery process into motion. Two and a half long years of cleaning the pot that had been set on the back burner back in 1998 and about twenty one years ago. A lot of times people don’t even know they have done this and that’s why the damage is so severe when finally confronted. And only confronted once there was no way not to get around the problem that started internally and made it’s way to the outside of us - seen in our actions, tendencies, shown in our progress and the fruit of our labor. The huge problem was I didn’t acknowledge that the issues I had gone through as a child were carried into issues forming my adult self and carried into adulthood in general. Survival Guide Tip- Always honestly reflect on self. If you do this right you might dig up some dirt in your life. Then you will be able to handle the dirt as you find it and not some day in a mountain of problem that need to be cast into the sea.⛰🌊

This is my final paragraph before the survival guide.

Having said all that I have. I hope is more clear to you why a survival guide may be helpful for you. A survival guide is made for people so they can get through anything that would hinder them from thriving. Many times they are created for hunting, fishing and camping. The ultimate survival guide for life though, is actually one you have heard of, have possibly even some people pick up and read, but it’s one you avoid at all costs, accidentally or on purpose the ultimate survival guide, is the Bible. Yes I know you didn’t want to hear that, but sometimes hearing the truth hurts. No the truth doesn’t actually hurt. The truth took that pain on for you so you didn’t have to. The truth actually heals, saves and delivers. You see, Jesus is as John 14:6 says, “...the way, the truth and the life.” As He also is the word itself as John 1:1 says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”

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Survival Guide for

Life’s Struggles

Let’s take a look here. So up above I have told about some of my rough past and a few survival guide tips for what helped me get through. Now we shall try to pinpoint what makes you struggle, what a struggle is for you and determining what’s making you struggle presently. From there we can determine a course of action to take and what Survival Tips will be most useful to yourself.

PART ONE

Reflect:

What Do You See?

How to survive and thrive.

I would say the first step is to reflect on self but you can’t really know how your dealing with something if you don’t fully know what you are dealing with. So that’s what we will do first; reflect on the situation.

The first step we will take to reflect will be on our surroundings.

First Question:

What am I immediately/currently surrounded by? — Are there a lot of people, buildings or sounds and smells?

What is happening in those surroundings? You must also figure this- is what’s bothering me a person, place or thing?

If a Person- Is something they are doing, saying, or not doing bothering me?

If a Place- •is a certain smell, color, design or item bothering me (you are not silly if you are bothered by these simple things. Many people with OCD are set off by the smallest of things and have to learn to cope and deal to get past such irritancy.) •Is the location bothering you? If so why? — Is it isolated or jam-packed with buildings, etc.?

If a Thing- is it big or small? Does it remind you of an unpleasant time or place?

Note— The thing can be a certain situation shaking you.

What Do You Do?

Our actions determine not just who we are but how we cope.

The second step is reflect on self to determine how you deal.

Ask yourselves these two questions:

So how do you deal? Do you confront the situation immediately or wait or do you ignore the problem at hand?

Be honest. There is no one to answer to but yourself as read down these questions and ponder what to answer.

What emotion initially hits your gut and takes over? Example: mad, upset, angry or sad, confused and hurt?

There are many more emotions in life, you can fill in the blank with the most true to you and honest emotion at play when adversity hits.

Why Do We Act the Way We Do?

Determine why and you’re half way to your solution.

You’ve just determined for yourself that you can fix what’s dysfunctional and broken by recognizing it, and now, taking action; repairing it. You are almost there. Now ask yourself these last few questions and we will figure out the general type of struggle you are going through to determine the best Survival Guide tips for you. (Not— Others outside of that category may help— but the focus remains on the most effective ones for your particular situation.)

Last Questions:

Why does the person, place or thing bother you?

If a Person- Could they be doing something to irritate you— are you perceiving them to be doing it on purpose or are they actually doing it unknowingly?

Is the way they approach you bothersome?

If a Place- Why is this place bothering you— color, aroma, sound?

If a Thing- Is it reminding you of something past that was disturbing or hard to think on? Do you just not like the looks of this particular item?

Why does that certain emotion arise in you when confronted with your situation/problem?

PART TWO

Recognize:

That there are two types of struggles as listed below:

Internal Struggle: A struggle, mainly, inside one’s soul and mind. Basically you have a problem with you and may take it out and/or blame others for this struggle. It effects you, therefore effecting others in your path and environment. It isn’t the common conflict an individual has with an unsettling emotion such as fear, anger, etc. Something that bothers you to the point where it interferes with your day to day living.

External Struggle: A conflict found between two things—you and an outside force. Possibly even someone else's actions and emotions directed towards you or at least interfering with how you go about your day. An obstacle or force outside of yourself interrupting your life or day. Something that bothers you to the point where it interferes with day to day living.

Both Types of Struggles Include the Following Similar Characteristics:

•Tension

•Conflict

•Creates a Desire for Resolution

•Urgency to dissolve or resolve the struggle

•An Obstacle

•They Both Involve a common ground—You

•Potential to Creat Character development •Drama

•Confrontation— Whether with self or another person, place or thing

•Anything that interferes with how you go about living healthily

PART THREE

What We’ve All Been Waiting for

Resolve:

Take a look at this example I have constructed for taking care of yourself in a struggle and resolving the struggle that injured you.

Example:

Look at life as a camping experience. Your surrounded by nature in your daily life and in this situation, camping, your immediate culture is being comrades with nature and fellow campers. Some people have RVs, big tents with camp fires and beds built-in. Other, not so comfortable campers, have your typical uncomfortable and nostalgic old tents made of canvas or whatever tents were made of when you were growing up. They had netted lining at the top that you would have to cover with the liner that came with the tent. Then there are those other, more unfortunate campers, who have either forgotten or lost the lining to keep rain out for their tent— who maybe made themself a tent out of what they had at home or are braving to just simply sleep under the stars.

Oh, also one thing all these campers have in this example— they all brought an emergency kit.

We were all given different opportunities in life leading us to different destinations. We are all in different levels of success and in different areas of expertise than the next person. So in this rather large camping community we call life, we are quick to look at our neighbors and get envious and grievous of them. However, nature supplies us all the same things that the rest of have access to— food, water, a way to make shelter if necessary and fire to keep us warm. We are in this together and some just have to rely on the elements more than others.

In comparing this to the regular way of living (not just speaking as if we are camping all the time), I mean to say that sometimes a person needs a little more self-care than the next. Some need more wood for fire than others or more water than the next camper or more fish to feed more mouths than other families. But we all have this in common. We have needs. With those needs, we have resources in to access solutions for the needs that, at times, perplex us.

We may not always have it easy but if life was always easy, where would the learning come from. Often times our heart and perseverance are seen in the midst of suffering and pain. Our success, many times, built on the strength gained from adversity and trials. This is where the Second Corinthians‬ ‭12:10‬ states, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Think carefully about your choices and how they impact your life while always remembering the impact you have on the lives around you.

Yes, you.

I know. You don’t think you matter. Well, I am here to tell you that’s a lie. You do matter. You are important in this world. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. You weren’t made by mistake. Do you realize how everything has to perfectly align for you to come into the world. I am talking real destiny and fate aligning to create, you.

Yes, you.

So while you lay under the stars, consumed by the darkness of your struggle, probably wet, cold and uncomfortable, remember it will get better. Wake up tomorrow with some hope Appreciate what you have. Psalm 31:14-15, “But I trusted in, relied on, and was confident in You, O Lord; I said, You are my God. My times are in Your hands.”

Here are some tips and solutions you can add to your survival kit here in Erika’s ‘Survival Guide for Life’s Struggles’:

Survival Kit for Life

Because everyone knows you bring an emergency kit with you to camp.

•Bible— this comes in handy with anything you are facing.

•Morning routine—a good survival strategy. A good start can lead to a good day— even if you are facing a trial. — I call my morning routine BPE

•Morning routine—a good survival strategy. A good start can lead to a good day— even if you are facing a trial.—

•Reading— putting healthy and positive information in your mind can guide you and give you the wisdom, knowledge and understanding to deal with situations.

If you are struggling with an internal or external struggle read up on how to solve the particular situation.

•Meditation/Prayer— Getting your mind on the right track is EXTREMELY important. Most battles you will face will be in the mind and effect your whole being, character and how you go about your day. In the morning when you wake up for a good start and at night for a good healthy sleep. Many studies have proved these two habits are success makers because you initially get healthy so you can achieve more.

•Healthy Social Interaction/Social Activities— This one is so essential because we weren’t made to walk this path in life alone. We were made to not just survive but to thrive. Part of this is enjoying one another’s company. However, this is a good thing to do on the daily, know you must be particular about who you allow yourself to be around and interact with. The people you are with impact and shape you. So make sure those people will help impact and shape you into being a better you and not dragging you down and away from your ability to thrive in this life and then you are ending up just trying to survive. Negative people and interactions on a regular basis have shown to lead a terrible result in success downfall.

•Peaceful/Healthy Atmosphere for Success— Find an atmosphere in which you tend to find yourself at ease in. This will be a place that you will eventually start to see yourself thrive in and make more friends. Maybe putting yourself in a good job that is right for you. This one can take a while to find but don’t give up. It can even be finding a coffee shop you visit regularly to have a calm alone time while still making connections with others and enjoy your own company. Everyone needs to allow for down time. Somewhere if we are having a rough day or time we can go and relax and maybe forget about the problem and go back to it or brainstorm on how to fix it. Whatever works best for you.

•Regular self-care— Everyone needs to take care of self. If you don’t, who will? If everyone took care of self the way they should we wouldn’t put the blame on others for not fixing us or get upset when someone else needs to do some self-care as well. If everyone looked after ourselves to be on our way to becoming more whole then we wouldn’t try to fill the void inside us so much because there wouldn’t be one. We would just be more healthy all together.

•Hobbies— Find at least one hoby you can do with someone else and one you can do while you are alone. I am a very fact oriented, purpose-driven individual and never really understood the need for hobbies until just recently. Now I understand that hobbies help you narrow down, not just what you naturally excel at and enjoy doing, but help guide you to your career, your purpose in life. It’s also just plain old fun which is good for the health.

•Communication Skill— This one is OH SO IMPORTANT. The way you talk and move your words along in a sentence sets a tone for a conversation. Having communication skills can be so helpful because with eloquently placed words you can reveal as much and as little as you want fir emotion, tone—how you think and/or feel about a person, place or thing. When you can control your words you can steer a conversation in the way in which you feel most comfortable. This can help you in trivial matters, such as you wanting to win over a stranger you will never see again to more important matters like

winning over a soon to be boss in an interview.

•Body Language

•Act and React Skill